


Steel and Fire

by rhyswhitethorn



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Multi, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:48:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25016494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhyswhitethorn/pseuds/rhyswhitethorn
Relationships: Amren/Varian (ACoTaR), Elain Archeron/Azriel, Feyre Archeron/Rhysand, Nesta Archeron/Cassian
Comments: 8
Kudos: 73





	1. Chapter 1

Nesta was in one of her moods again.

The one where she was easily irritated at every single being that breathes in her sight of vision, where a stray strand of hair would cause her to tug everything back harshly, and where she would hold her breath when someone speaks, as if the world reeks of rotten eggs.

It was written in her stormy eyes, where the azure hues once laid were drowned by the thunderclouds that rested before a treacherous sea, taking all life with it.

If the first thing that scared the shit out of Cassian was seeing Bryaxis, then this was a close second. He watched quietly as she stabbed her scrambled eggs and dug into them, still maintaining her straight posture and chewing like a proper lady. Well, at least her etiquette remained the same, shitty mood or no. 

His pancakes sat in front of him, the butter already melting with the maple syrup. If it were up to Cassian, he would have picked his plate up and moved to eat in the sitting room, preferably with hard liquor, no matter that it was still morning. _You can’t say you drank all day if you don’t start early,_ Mor had insisted time to time.

Alas, his High Lady had forced him to have this conversation. Cass had ran off to Illyria for a good two weeks, knowing that it was unavoidable. Nothing had happened between Cassian and Nesta when he had to bring her to the Illyrian Camps. Not when the High Lord had called them both to come back to Velaris to celebrate Starfall together, not until that night. It came to a point where Feyre, who couldn’t talk some sense into him, had to beg Rhysand and Azriel to haul Cassian’s ass back. And here he was, in the townhouse against his wishes.

_The night was filled with spirits migrating, and bottles were opened to celebrate. Laughter and joy brimmed the brisk air in the House of Wind, Feyre and Rhysand swirling around, dancing together. His head was dazed from the drinks that he guzzled down before dinner on an empty stomach, added on with the ones after dinner. Elain and Azriel were trading shy looks, blushing once in a while as they drank on the balcony, the falling stars behind them. They remained unaware as they were lost in each other’s eyes._

Truly the Shadowsinger and the Fawn.

Cassian blinked out the memory from a fortnight ago, and beheld the eye of storms staring right into him. 

He grinned at a Nesta, knowing it’ll piss her off more, before cutting up his pancakes to eat them. He had gone through three bites before she spoke.

“What are you doing here.” Not a question, by the sound of it. Never a question with Nesta, no. It was always an order.

Cassian stayed quiet for a few mouthfuls, aware that she was watching every bite he was taking. “You should ask your dear High Lady sister about that.” Cassian simply said after he was done with his breakfast. He really didn’t want to do this now. A headache was beginning to spike up at the back of his head.

_Cassian was lounging on the loveseat with Mor. Amren had already vanished with Varian, no doubt heading back to her apartment. He drank straight from the bottle of wine, as if it would wash away his burdens. Mor got up and ruffled Cassian’s hair, pulling some of it from his man bun._

_“I’m leaving now,” she had said, glancing at Rhysand and Azriel, both occupied. “Take care of yourself, you Illyrian prick.” Cassian had grunted at that, shooting her a smile. He heard as she walked out of the sitting room, careful not to disturb the remaining members of the Inner Circle._

_“Nesta.” At the name of the person Mor greeted, Cassian sat up. A door shut, and he was hoping, praying, that Mor walked in— but the Cauldron must have decided to punish him for his sins there and then, because it was Nesta, clad in a lavender gown trimmed with blue hems, her hair in its usual updo, who entered._

Cassian was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard plates clattering in the sink. Nesta had gotten up and strode past him without him realizing, and he hated her for that. Hated that the walls he had raised up and the defense mechanism he built for the last 500 years melted when Nesta Archeron was in his vicinity. He turned his head, facing her back, and said, “We need to talk.” Even from behind, he knew her face had gotten slack. Her body stiffened.

She washed her plates too slowly, but he waited until she was done. Nesta wiped her hands dry and walked to the table, choosing the furthest possible seat from Cassian. Across him. Not the usual one they had adopted during her time at the camp with him; on his left hand side.

He rubbed his hands against his thighs underneath the table, trying to get rid of the sweat on his palms.  
“About Starfall,” he started, but her sharp tongue had cut him short.  
“What about it?” Fuck. The venom in her words had returned. Seems like his efforts during the year at the camp, getting Nesta to stop speaking to him like an animal and more like an _actual being_ were gone to waste.

“You and I both know what happened between us was not.. normal,” Cassian managed to grit out. Fuck, there was definitely a migraine coming, not your everyday headache. He looked into those eyes again, the ones he was so scared of when his pancakes were still on the table. He shouldn’t be scared. Not when Starfall had changed things between them.

_Before he knew what he was doing, he placed the wine bottle on the table at his side. He stood up and walked towards Nesta, towering over her. She looked up, and her High Fae features softened, the face she hid from everyone, the face Cassian would only see when she’s beneath his shadows. Feyre and Rhysand were heading towards the kitchen, to find something to snack on, Cassian assumed, as they had wasted their energy on dancing. Azriel and Elain were still on the balcony, both now watching the falling spirits, talking about what the history of each spirit may be._

_He didn’t even realize his lips were forming a sentence until it was out of his mouth. “Care to dance with me, sweetheart?”  
_

_And Nesta Archeron, who, a year ago, would’ve spat on his face and called him a stupid ass for even thinking he was deemed worthy to ask for a dance with her, simply allowing her soft hands be enveloped into his large ones. He brushed his thumb on her palms, feeling the small calluses that had formed when she finally had the guts to ask him to train her at the camps. Their year together, far from the City of Starlight, had brought change into the human-turned-Fae.  
_

Nesta didn’t look like she was breathing as she stayed still. In fact, if Cassian had painted her a dark marble colour and placed her in the Court of Nightmares, no one would realize that there was a living being between the statues that littered the courtyard. He let her collect her thoughts together, expecting her to spit poison itself, yet hoping her soft words and rich vocabulary came out instead. 

His head pounded as minutes passed by, and he was half-tempted to walk over to Nesta and shake her, as if that would get her to spill her thoughts. But that was what Cassian would do a year ago. Now, after things had changed from time spent together and he had learnt Nesta’s tells, shutting the fuck up and waiting patiently was the best way to play this out.

_He could feel the curves on her waist as he held her close, one of her hands gripping his shoulder softly, the other on his chest. It wasn’t as smooth as the ballroom dance that Feyre and Rhys had shared. This was the intimate kind where two Faes wanted to be close enough to each other, no care for the world. The hand on his shoulder slowly made its way to the base of his neck, tugging his hair, fingers twirling in it. He leaned in and rested his chin on her head, breathing in her scent. Florals and mint filled his nose. Mint for the icy fire that burnt within her._

“Nesta, we don’t have all day, sweetheart,” Cassian said. Each time the memories resurfaced, the pounding increased tenfold. He knew where exactly that pounding was coming from. But he’ll handle it, he’ll do it for Nesta’s sake. “What..,” she begun, but closed her mouth. As if her side of what happened is flashing through her mind.

_Her scent was intoxicating. Cassian didn’t want this to end, not as he felt more alive than he had in all his years. They had slept in the same bed at the camp, nothing more, and her scent was always pleasant for him. But it was different now. It was as if it called to his very soul, trying to devour him.  
_

Must be the alcohol, _he thought to himself.  
_

_They danced slowly, holding on to each other for a few minutes. Feyre was already sleeping on Rhysand’s lap on the couch, Elain and Azriel joining them for their last glass of wine. Cassian thought he would be able to sneak in a kiss on Nesta’s forehead, had been yearning to taste her again ever since that day in the Mortal Lands, when her mortal blood still ran true. Grateful that his brothers paid no heed, he lifted her chin up and pressed his lips right beneath her hairline._

_Something had snapped in Cassian, so loud in his ears, his head, that he was disoriented. Nesta’s fingers dug into his chest and pushed him away with such force, Cassian had almost tripped over his feet. She was clutching her chest, Feyre and Elain already running to her side. His brothers stopped short before Cassian. He watched as the two younger Archerons held Nesta up, his eyes shooting to Nesta’s. Rhysand, Feyre and Azriel stiffened, as they finally understood what had happened._

_Before Nesta could understand what was happening and truly murder his ass, Cassian ran and jumped out of the House of Wind, evading the migrating spirits, and flew into the night skies.  
_

“What happened that night?” Nesta asked, softly. Her eyes were roaming his face, searching for the right words. All the venom from before had evaporated, and sitting before him was the quiet, smut reading lover whose company he had come to enjoy in Rhys’ mother’s cabin for a whole year.

Cassian gulped. He had ran off on Starfall to avoid death at her hands, but he may very well face it now, even if her mood had lightened up over breakfast. With Nesta Archeron, there was no telling. But he would not run from her, not again. _Never_ again.

“Nes.. we’re mates Nesta. Mates.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda pumped about actually posting chaptered stories! Here's the next one (a little too early but I was thinking of doing it weekly. Hopefully work doesn't get in the way.)  
> Someone suggested a part where Nesta confronts a certain someone, soooooo :)

Cassian had to give it to Nesta, she knew how to handle life-changing news pretty well—either that, or a plan of his murder was formulating in that beautiful head of hers. Cassian decided he didn’t want to know which. Not as he weighed the look of her face, debating whether it was her “I’m surprised but I’m not going to show it” face or her “Where can I hide his body?” one. 

Nesta’s eyes met his. A storm was brewing underneath. Decision made.

“I don’t understand.”

So, his life wouldn’t end today. Not at her hands, at least. Cassian thought thoroughly before saying, “Which part don’t you understand?”

“Why would we know now? Wouldn’t I have known immediately, like Lucien did when Elain was made?” Nesta’s eyes were darting around now as she carefully constructed her sentence. Cassian knew her well enough to know her mind was rushing through every thought; every conversation, every text she had read about the mating bond. Being at the Illyrian Camp together had taught Cassian that everything she says was well calculated and not without thought.

“The mating bond does not necessarily come immediately. It may only be susceptible when something triggers it, and only in rare cases do the bond snap when two Faes look at each other. Maybe in our case, the dance had something to do with it,” Cassian explained slowly. He definitely needed to do it carefully, especially with Nesta. She wouldn’t be as forgiving with the bond as Feyre was with Rhysand, and from the history of the two younger sisters, they had the shock of their lives when it came to the mating bond.

He hoped Nesta Archeron wouldn’t shun him out like the Fawn had done to the Fox, or gave him shit like the Cursebreaker to the Lord of Night. Cassian needed to play safe.

Nesta sat quietly with her hands on the table. She didn’t look at him, as if she didn’t want to look at the bond either. But across the table, it was clear—he could feel a living bond between them, as if she’s finally acknowledged its existence, unlike the two weeks he had ran off and the breakfast between them, when she had not known. He could tell she was feeling it out, even if her face did not show it.

_ Nesta Nesta Nesta _

The bond was definite now, as if her poking around had strengthened it. He could feel her a door away in his head, as if waiting for him to knock. Cassian kept quiet as he let her get a feel for it, hiding his spark of joy to finally know that Nesta is truly his equal. A Fae made to be at the side of the Prince of Bastards, til’ death do them part.

That is, if she wanted it.

Nesta didn’t know what to feel. Not as she remembered what happened during Starfall, when they had shared a dance and all that could think about was the towering Illyrian Commander, who had smelled of steel and earth.

She felt the bond. A living thing between them. The call towards him. It had always been like that, but not as strongly as it did now. Not since he told her to run, to save herself from the King of Hybern. Not since his declaration.

_ I will find you again in the next world—the next life. _

And the kiss that had happened before that.

The emotions and feelings that went through Nesta at that time had overwhelmed her, just like it did now. It had gone away after Amren had taken care of the Cauldron, as if putting a damper on it. But they were back, and she could feel Cassian on the other side of the door. The door, she knew, would only open if  _ she _ allowed it. That was what Cassian would give her. The vain bastard who was a fierce warrior on the battlefield, but deep down, a selfless male who’d give her the space she needed.

Her thoughts strayed back to the soft kiss he had planted on her forehead that night. The love filled with it, the touch that she had refused and avoided at the camp. Not because she hated him, but because she was terrified of what she felt for him. Terrified of what she would do to Cassian. Exactly like what she had done to Feyre.

She realized that Cassian had explained the bond to her. “Two Faes?” she asked. The High Lord had gotten glimpses of Feyre’s life when she was still human and she had read that it was not necessarily between two Faes, but it could be between a Fae and a human. Similar to the novel she had read about—a Demi-Fae princess and a Fae prince. 

Cassian ran a hand through his hair, tugging a few strands off from his bun. Fuck, she hated when he did that. All because it made him look more rugged, and she liked him that way. His voice was rough as he said, “I’m not sure, but Amren has mentioned that it could happen to anyone. There are texts about mortals and Fae being mates, and Faes would give up their immortality for the mortal. There’s no record of it happening in Prythian, though.” Right. Mortals. Never humans for them. And the centuries old treaty would have prevented mating bonds snapping into place between the Faes and humans, explaining why it was never recorded. But what of it now?

Nesta simply nodded, assuming that this  _ bond _ had only started being prominent because she was dipped into that fucking Cauldron. Added on with the triggering during Starfall. 

“I need to think,” she said, standing up. This was all too much for her, and she wouldn’t know what she’d do if she stayed in the same room as him any longer. She didn’t want to find out. Before Cassian could say anything, Nesta swept through and walked out the front door, heading back to her apartment.

Cassian watched as she walked out the door, heart dropping. He fucked shit up, just as he did in the Summer Court, only he actually cared for Nesta.

Nesta fucking Archeron.

He waited until he knew she was on the streets, knew she would be walking by the Sidra River. 

He only knew from all those times he watched from above. 

Cassian sat quietly for a good ten minutes, which is more than enough time for him to fly to the House of Wind out of her line of sight. He got up to walk to the patio, stretching his wings underneath the morning sun before he opened them and lifted off, savouring the salty air and heading towards the open balcony. He needed to find Azriel, who wouldn't question everything he had said to Nesta, but listen instead. Rhysand would just say,  _ you fucking idiot. Feyre gave you one job.  _

Prick. 

He landed at the balcony and walked through the sitting room, glancing at where he and Nesta had danced. At the exact spot he felt his world come together.

Cassian just shook his head and took the stairwell down to Azriel's room, unsurprised the Shadowsinger wasn't there. Turning to the hallway, he made his way to the library and pushed opened the door—finding Az and Elain reading together. 

A sight really, seeing as Az had his legs on the armrest, his wings hanging off the other end, hair dropping into his eyes as he read through his reports. Elain was lying on her stomach on the couch across from Azriel, buried in a book. One, Cassian noted, was that Azriel was  _ too _ casual, and two, Elain was reading a  _ book _ . Where had her preferred scene of flowers gone to? 

Both their heads snapped up when Cassian walked in.

"Hi Ellie," Cassian greeted, using his nickname for her. No one called her that besides Cassian, not even her sisters. She smiled and said, "Hi Cass. How'd everything go?" 

"Nesta is Nesta. It went as well as it could, for her standards. Could I borrow Azriel for a second?" Elain was about to give her answer but Cassian had just walked over to Azriel, pulling his reports out of his hand. Az opened his mouth to retort, but Cassian merely lifted the Shadowsinger to his feet and jerked his head to the door.  _ Outside the library _ . 

Azriel sighed and mouthed  _ sorry _ to Elain before walking out. She waved her hand and continued on with the book, leaving the two Illyrians to have their conversation. 

Cassian closed the door to the library, shooting Elain a smile which earned him a soft chuckle from her. He turned to face Azriel, who was already giving him a bothered look for disturbing his peace with Elain. Azriel immediately said, “You're not dead.”

Cassian sighed. “Clearly not. Rhys owes us 10 gold marks,” he joked, remembering the bet they had made when Rhysand and Azriel were pulling him out of the Illyrian Camps. He could see the question swirling in Az’s eyes and answered for him. “Nesta said she needed time to think. Far better than I hoped for, but sooner or later I have to confront her about it again.”

Azriel nodded, understanding the whole situation—the Archeron sisters had a troubling time when it came to accepting that they're High Fae now, and it didn't help when fate threw in a little spiciness every now and then. Time was truly what Nesta needed, and Cass hoped she would think thoroughly before her decision came through.

To be mated to him or not.

He blinked the thought of what would happen if she chose not to be, trying his hardest not to shudder. He clapped Azriel on the back. “Well, that's about it, brother. What's your advice?” No way was he taking Rhysand’s.  _ Tease her well and fuck her good,  _ the High Lord had said, resulting in his High Lady whacking him at the back of his head. Cass had laughed himself hoarse.

Azriel scrunched his face up slightly, the only motion he'd allow to show that he was thinking. “I think you should let her think. It’s Nesta. No external influence would change what her mind is set on.” It was true. Cassian had no business in her thoughts. He just nodded, not sure that the feeling of despair he felt was because Azriel was right, or that Nesta might very well cleave his heart in two if she didn't want what they had. Cassian just smiled and said, “You always had the bigger brain among the three of us. Thanks Az, I’ll leave you to her.” Azriel scoffed when Cass winked at him, pushing the door open to walk into his peaceful place with Elain.

The bond sparked a little, and Cassian could tell Nesta was still feeling it out. It was. . trying to locate where he was. But his side of the bond would not give in, not until she accepted it. A few seconds later, it died down.

Cassian rubbed his forehead, debating whether he should ask Amren if Nesta had seen her. Out of everyone in the Inner Circle, Nesta had always looked towards Amren for advice. He strode up to the sitting room and took flight at the balcony, heading towards the townhouse. He walked in, catching Amren starting a jigsaw piece on the dining table. No, she was  _ sitting _ on the table.

“Before you ask, your girlfriend caught me off guard at the Sidra. I was making my way here, but she bombarded me with questions.” Cassian closed his mouth. He furrowed his eyebrows, slightly annoyed that Amren had the chance to speak before he did. He took a seat, messing up the pieces on purpose.

“ _ Stop that, _ ” Amren hissed. He chuckled and said, “What did she ask, O Tiny Ancient One?”

Amren smiled that feline smile she wore whenever she knew she had an advantage. Cassian liked when that smile came around, but not when it was used on him. Fuck, he was dreading the next bit.

“She asked me about the bond. The fundamentals of it. I explained, of course, like any good Fae would,” he grunted at that, but Amren continued. “Although the next few questions were interesting. Wipe that smirk off your face boy, you won’t be liking it.” Cassian’s face fell. If Amren was warning him, then it must be fucking bad.

“Nesta asked what would happen if the bond were to be ignored. What it would take to  _ sever _ it. And the consequences of it between the two Fae.” Cassian stared at Amren. She was still continuing with her puzzle, as if dropping the bomb and getting on with her life was  _ normal _ . He felt like vomiting. It was only noon—and it seemed that Nesta Archeron had made her decision within an hour. He suddenly felt as if his world was closing up, his lungs threatening to collapse. His vision became blurry, and—

Amren placed a hand on his arm. Cassian looked up to her, his breathing stabilizing and vision clearing up.

“It’s not you, boy.”

Cassian’s temper began to build up. “What makes you think so? You’re not the one with their mate asking how to sever this bond. You and Varian are happily prancing around, creating chaos! You wouldn't know what this feels like, what makes you say it isn't just because of me?” His voice had increased in volume, but he couldn’t stop it. Why the fuck was he asking Amren anyway? Cassian stood up, this time accidentally messing a few of her pieces, but she did not reprimand him. He trudged toward the front door, unsure whether he should drink his sorrows away at the cabin, or confront Nesta, or whatever the fuck he could think of in the spur of moment.

Amren sighed and said, “It’s the mortal male.” His hand stopped at the handle. The mortal male? Which one? Cassian turned, the question in his eyes. She beckoned for him to come to her. And when he did not budge, she said, “As the Second-in-Command I order you to come here.” 

“You’re abusing your authority,” Cassian replied, but he walked over anyway. Amren wouldn’t simply use her title on him that way without reason. “Which mortal?”

The Tiny Ancient One kept quiet as she looked at one of her pieces. Cassian watched as she flawlessly fitted it into a gaping hole. At the rate she went, it was no wonder Amren could finish advanced jigsaw puzzles in less than an hour. “The one she was supposed to marry. She never told me about it, but Feyre had mentioned a certain  _ Tomas Mandray _ . It looked like they got off on bad terms, and she has a score to settle.” 

Her distressed, mortal face flashed through his eyes. His promise to hunt him down rang in his head.

“Before you do anything stupid,  _ Commander Brainless _ , I might suggest that you confront her about this. About what she wanted to do with that _ mortal _ ,” Amren said distastefully. “Nesta Archeron is not the kind of person to start something without finishing another.”

He just nodded, finally getting a grasp of what she was facing. No, Nesta had not made her decision, not until she had confronted the man she was supposed to marry. There would be no loving someone else until she had closure.

Closure for what, really? The stupid fuck had raped her, or tried to. Cassian had never asked her about it, knowing scars ran deep. But if that was what Nesta needed, then that was what Cassian would give. 

“Thanks, Amren,” Cassian said, walking off to the front door. To find his mate. To be there for her.

He was shutting the door when she replied, “At least you learnt your manners when you spent a year with her.”

Cassian chuckled as he walked out, bracing himself for the noon sun. It shone brighter today, as bright as the bond had at Starfall. He decided to walk down the streets by the Sidra, like Nesta does. If he played things correctly and she decided to accept the bond, then Cassian would have to learn how she lived her life. Her favourite places to walk at, books to read and food to eat. If she didn’t. . then a walk underneath the pleasant weather wouldn’t hurt. He watched as High Fae and lesser faeries alike mingled along the street, and breathed in the smell of fried food coming from the food stalls nearby. The salty smell of the sea was distant, not like when he took to the skies. The Sidra was filled with a variety of colourful fishes, mostly Kois. The walk to her apartment would take ten minutes, more or less. It was more than enough time to think about what he would say to Nesta.

The fried kebab he spotted started to pull at him. Before he could stop himself, he walked to one of the stalls and purchased one. Cassian savoured the taste and continued on to her apartment before he—

The vendor selling coconut shakes called to him. Okay, more than ten minutes then.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao I WAS SO TEMPTED TO POST THIS 5 DAYS AGO. thank God I didn’t or else I’d have to speed write the rest of the chapters (?)  
> as usual, any ideas to this would be very much appreciated!

Nesta was lying on her bed, reading, when a knock sounded on the door. 

She placed the book down after marking the page and walked towards the door. Unlocking it, she swung it open and her  _ mate _ stood there. Cassian held up a half drank coconut shake in one hand, and a mango shake in the other.

“I didn’t know what you liked, so I got you two shakes that I like.”

Typical. 

Nesta held the door open for him and he walked in, smelling of the streets below. Did he  _ walk _ here?

“In case you were wondering, sweetheart, I decided to take a stroll on the streets you usually take. Quite a scene, I would say. So unlike the mortal Nesta Archeron I had known earlier on.” She tried not to dwell on the thought that he was learning her routine. It was actually nice to know that. Nesta just nodded and grabbed the mango shake from his hand, which she had to admit, she absolutely  _ adored _ . Nesta was already a regular for the vendor who sold this particular shake.

He smiled as she said thank you, and took a seat on one of the chairs at the small dining table. She took the one on his left. Genuine surprise coloured his face for a short second before he made it neutral again.

“I met Amren. More like caught her on the dining table. She mentioned you. . barged into her.” Cassian looked at Nesta, waiting for her to continue. Did he know about her dilemma? It would make so much sense to him if she told him. About why she couldn’t accept the bond yet.

Nesta wouldn’t burden Cassian with the pain her heart had felt. Feyre and Rhysand were both broken, but they climbed out that abyss together. As far as she was concerned, Cassian didn’t have any emotional baggage with him. 

“I have unfinished business,” Nesta said. That was all she would allow him to know.

Cassian took her by surprise, however. “With that mortal.”

She blinked at Cassian, who looked worried. “Look, Nesta, I know you won’t accept the bond yet. I know why you won’t accept it. And I’ll damn well keep my promise about him, if that’s what you want. Hell, I’ll be glad to do it. But as your mate, I’m giving you the choice. We can go to the Mortal Lands together, and you can get closure, or, you know, skinning him alive would be fun,” he smirked at that. Trust Cassian to get a joke out of everything, even if it annoyed her at first. Now, that’s exactly what she needed. “That aside, you need to confront him. Your acceptance for the bond is not a priority now.”

This winged Fae was putting her needs first. The Cauldron must have been pranking her, because no way in her forced immortal life did she ever deserve this. She got up, prompting Cassian to get up as well.

“I’m sorry, I think I overstepped with what I said.” Cassian was rumbling now, his face red. The Illyrian Commander was  _ embarrassed.  _ “I think it’s better if I—”

He cut short as Nesta pulled him into a hug, taking care not to touch his wings. Her time at the camps has taught her to  _ never _ touch an Illyrian’s wings without permission. He wrapped his arms around her, his wings stretching to cover the both of them. She breathed in his scent, the scent that reminded her of the times her father had come home from his business travels. She never realized it until now.

“Thank you,” she whispered, and Cassian’s only reply was to hold her tighter.

“If you want, we can go tomorrow. I’m not trying to rush the bond, but I don’t want you to suffer any longer.” She nodded. The bond was calling to her now, especially when she’s with Cassian. The longer she held out, the stronger its call. Nesta looked up to Cassian and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. He stiffened and smirked.

“What?”

“Can I have another one?”

Fucking prick. 

“Are you serious?” Nesta felt her temper rising, and it didn’t help that he was still smirking at her. 

Cassian just leaned down and kissed her nose softly, before letting her go. Her temper died down at the softness of his kiss, his lips and his face. A year ago, she would’ve slapped him.

Things were different now.

Nesta turned away and headed to the front door, hiding her blush. She opened it, motioning for Cassian to leave. She needed the time to compose herself for tomorrow. 

Cassian walked towards where she stood and winked at her. “See you, sweetheart,” he said, leaving. She half wondered if he’d fly back or take to the roads.

Closing the door, she walked to her bed, placing the mango shake on her bedside table and picking up where she left off. Cassian was a prick, but maybe having him as her mate wouldn’t be so bad. It’d definitely spice up her long life, and she wouldn’t have a dull day of burying herself in novels anymore. And if Feyre was right about the wingspan. . then her nights wouldn’t be boring either.

She smiled at that.

*

Nesta woke slightly before dawn to get ready. Confronting Tomas Mandray meant that she would finally end whatever ties she had to her mortal life. 

With Cassian at her side. 

Cassian had always been there for her—when the King of Hybern, who had taken her innocence and mortality away, was about to tear her world apart. When she needed help getting into the bathtub at the Illyrian Camps, still struggling after being forced into the Cauldron. And now, with confronting the man she was supposed to marry. 

The Cauldron had truly planned all these. 

Nesta picked up a deep blue gown, much like Azriel's siphons, before she did a double take. She had always donned dresses and gowns, and it was one of her favourite gowns that was ripped under Tomas' hands when he had attempted to rape her. She had worn that gown and met Tomas in hopes that he would propose, even after Feyre had warned her not to. She thought that she could keep him in check, but clearly not. Nesta placed the gown back down, and picked up something else she had been accustomed to wear. 

She hoped the Illyrian leathers she began to strap up made a statement, not only to Tomas, but also to Cassian. 

*

Cassian was staring at Nesta at the doorway. 

Nesta was lounging around, waiting for him to pick her up when he knocked. The look on his face? 

Fucking priceless. 

She took the mango shake from his hand before asking, "What?"

He kept gaping at her, coconut shake forgotten in his other hand. She had to hold his arm before he snapped out of it, the easy smile coming back. "You look hot," Cassian said. 

"Is that all you could come up with? Five hundred fucking years of living and the only adjective that's swimming in your head is  _ hot _ ?" 

Cassian laughed before saying, "Sweetheart, I can tell you how I think you look with my tongue, if you'd prefer. Or I can fuck you well enough so you'd get my point." Nesta stumbled at that. She had fallen right into his bait. "Wearing that is going to make the mortals talk, you know. We're twinning now," he continued and added a wink. 

Nesta surveyed his outfit. Illyrian leathers as well.

"Let them talk," she crooned, closing the door behind her and walking down the street towards the townhouse. 

Cassian grinned. She could tell he liked that idea  _ very _ much. "Feyre's going to winnow us to the Mortal Lands," he said, taking a step behind her. Thank the Cauldron. Nesta had learnt to winnow between short distances only, and there was no way she was taking flight across Prythian. Not with Cassian pressed against her. Nesta nodded, continuing the rest of her journey keeping quiet. Cassian had caught up to her and the citizens of Velaris kept looking at them. 

Scratch that, they were staring at them in  _ awe _ . 

Cassian smiled at everyone once in a while, greeting some he personally knew. Nesta plastered a smile, but soon it became genuine. Anyone who walked by Cassian and Nesta waved or said hello. Nesta knew the city loved their High Lord and High Lady, but it never occurred to her their love extended to the Inner Circle. To the Illyrian Commander standing beside her. 

Her Illyrian leathers weren't the only statement. Walking beside him in the City of Starlight was a whole other statement on its own, both for Nesta and Cassian. And he was proud to wear this one. The war Cassian had fought in for this city, the stakes he would go against for his court, he truly deserved this.

She could see the townhouse now. There were less faeries in the residential area. Nesta walked silently, Cassian still at her side when he placed a hand on her lower back. She turned to look up at him. 

"Nesta, before we go, I want you to know that when we meet Tomas, I'll be by your side. If you need help, just say it. No questions asked. Alright?" Cassian said softly. She continued looking at him, his hazel eyes shining with understanding and determination. Deep down, Nesta knew that Cassian would do anything she asked for. If she decided not to go on with this confrontation moments before, he'd listen. He'd bring her back here. Home. 

Home? Was Velaris her new home? 

She never felt that way. Her old house in the Mortal Lands didn't feel that way either. 

Standing underneath Cassian, however. . she felt more at home than she ever did. She unconsciously placed a hand on his cheek, feeling the rough start of a stubble underneath. 

"Thank you," she whispered. He brought his hand up to hold the hand on his cheek, pulling it away slightly to kiss her palm. She shivered a little, feeling the bond shine faintly. She could tell he felt the same by the way he was staring at her, his lips still brushing her palm. Maybe she should accept the bond now. Confront Tomas as a mated couple. She could just turn back to buy him a kebab, or she could ask if there was a more Illyrian tradition he'd prefer to—

“Ready to leave?” Feyre called from outside the townhouse. Cassian whipped his head towards his High Lady, slowly dropping Nesta’s hand. Nesta gradually turned her head, unable to get her eyes off Cassian.

Rhysand walked behind Feyre and sighed. “Look what you've done, Feyre, darling. You've ruined their moment.” Feyre looked up sheepishly to Rhysand, muttering a sorry to the both of them. Cassian just smiled and sauntered towards them, unaware of the choice Nesta almost made. 

Rhysand, however, knew. He gave her an apologetic look before she heard his voice in her mind.  _ Feyre has told me never to tell you things in your head, but Cass would have more pride in accepting the bond after your confrontation. Don't feel obligated to accept the bond now. _ Nesta’s only reply was a slight dip in her head. She and Rhys had a tough relationship at the beginning, but she soon grew to like the High Lord. Trust was what the foundations of his court was built on, and she had no reason not to believe him.

Feyre gave a knowing look to Nesta, which resulted in Cassian demanding a “What the hell are you two saying?”

“Do you really want to  _ know _ , Cass? I could show you what Rhysand plans to do —,” Feyre started, only to have Cassian waving his arms in the air to  _ not _ know, Rhysand chuckling behind. Nesta was grateful for that save.

She walked towards her youngest sister and looked at her. “I’m ready.”

Feyre nodded, kissing Rhysand on the cheek before holding Nesta and Cassian’s hand. “I’ll winnow both of you to Lucien and Jurian’s house. It’s near enough to Tomas,” she said, eliciting a grunt from Cassian. Approval in his language of grunts.

“Don’t kill him, Cass. Let Nesta do it,” Rhysand said, winking at Nesta. Shadows consumed them before she could answer.

*

The house Lucien and Jurian lived in was cosy.

Warm colours bedecked the house, curtains and rugs of varying oranges and browns painting the home. 

This was where the so-called “Band of Exiles” lived at. Nesta knew it was more of an official home, but the atmosphere in this house was lively. She let go of Feyre’s hand, who was unfazed with winnowing them this far, and turned to admire the house, finally setting her eyes on a waiting Lucien by the chimney.

“Hello, Feyre. Nesta. Cassian.” Lucien nodded at each name he listed out, striding over. Feyre merely looked at him before enveloping him in a hug.

“Lucien! Cauldron, I  _ missed  _ you. Why don’t you ever visit?”

Lucien just laughed while Cassian and Nesta awkwardly stood beside each other. “I have other matters to worry about, Feyre. I’ll visit soon, I promise,” he said, glancing towards Cassian towering behind his High Lady. “Um, I’ll let the both of you get on with the things you need to do. I’ll keep Feyre safe.”

Cassian grinned at that, holding Nesta’s shoulders to turn around, pushing her towards the door. Feyre and Lucien broke into laughter at the fact that Cassian had accomplished doing that to Nesta without her snapping at him. But with Cassian, Nesta didn’t seem to mind. She let him lead her out, opening the front door.

It was the middle of spring, and there were flowers blooming everywhere. She recognized most of the flowers that grew here, but with her Fae eyesight, the colours were more extravagant, making her appreciate them even more. Was this what Elain saw in flowers since the beginning? What beauty could she see now? Nesta breathed in, savouring the floral smell. Elain’s garden in Velaris was better, no doubt, but the flowers here reminded her of her mortal life. When all she knew was how to be human.

Twigs crunched under Cassian’s feet, pulling Nesta out of her thoughts. She realized he was waiting for her.

“This way,” Nesta said, turning west and trudging on. Cassian followed silently.

Throughout the walk, she thought about all those times she had walked to Tomas’ house, excited to meet him. She’d take an hour to get ready, putting effort into what she wore and how she did her hair. All that went to shit the moment he crossed the line.

Now it's her turn to give him shit. 

It was a fifteen minute walk to his house. Did she really take the time to come to him last time? It felt like forever, but each step she took towards his house only fueled her need to look him in the eye and square up to Tomas. 

Nesta reached a familiar brick home, spotting a woodpile on the lawn. She walked up the pathway to the front door and stopped, turning to Cassian. It was then she realized he did not bother glamouring his wings away. He grinned at her acknowledgement. 

She grinned back at him and knocked on the front door. 

Moments passed before a woman opened it. Tomas' mother. There were faint bruises on her face and arm, hastily covered up with powder. It may fool the mortal eye, but Nesta and Cassian could see it as clear as stars in the night sky. His mother looked at Nesta, recognizing her yet not in her otherworldly Fae beauty, fear striking in her eyes at Nesta's pointed ears and Cassian's wings. 

A small smile tugged at Nesta's mouth before she said, "I'd like to see Tomas, please." His mother nodded before closing the door. Through the brick walls, Nesta heard his mother say,  _ Tomas, Nesta's here _ . Nothing else. Good. A great day to get someone shitting their pants. 

Nesta turned to Cassian and motioned him to stand beside the pillar, obscuring him from the view at the front door. Let Tomas think she came alone. 

Two minutes went by and the door opened. Out walked Tomas. 

"Nesta Archeron. What pleasure do I owe—" Tomas started, cutting short when he took note of her pointed ears. Her predatory stillness. The promise in her eyes. 

"It's true then," he whispered, running an eye over Nesta and noting the warrior clothes she had chosen to wear in place of her usual dresses. 

Nesta didn't care what was true and what wasn't as she smiled at him. The feline smile she had seen Amren use, one that would get someone running in the opposite direction.

"Tomas Mandray," Nesta just said, side stepping and forcing Tomas to turn, right into Cassian's view. Tomas had paled at the sight of Nesta, but he  _ blanched _ as he beheld Cassian's towering height and massive wings. Cassian took a step closer but Tomas held his ground, either from his ego or because he wasn't in the right mind to step back.

"What do you want?" Tomas spat out, his heart racing fast. 

Oh, she was going to enjoy this. 

"Remember that night you came after me in the barn? When you tore my favourite dress and tried to rape me?" 

Anger flashed in his face. "I didn't  _ try _ to rape you. You wanted it as much as I did." 

Men and their ever changing stories.

"You know I didn't want it. I said no, yet you still came after me."

"What do you want?" he repeated. 

"I want you dead." His eyes were filled with terror now, but she had to give him credit for attempting to keep a neutral face. If it weren't for his eyes, his scent definitely gave it off. "But I'm not that kind of person, so an apology would do." Nesta had settled on that. No good would come if she were to kill him, and attempted rape had no closure. So yes, an apology. 

Tomas laughed darkly. “What makes you think you deserve that? You were meant to marry  _ me _ . I was allowed to take whatever I wanted from you.”

Nesta had to stare at him coolly and take a few seconds before answering, only so she wouldn’t explode. She could feel the waves of rage coming off from Cassian, yet he remained still, unspeaking, out of the respect he had for Nesta’s wishes.

Only when she asked for help would he interfere.

“As far as I’m concerned, a woman is not yours if she has not been legally married to you. I was still under my father’s care, and I remember our laws as clearly as you do.”

Tomas smirked as he said, “I may not have gotten what I wanted from you, but I’m certain half of Prythian had.”

Before she could register the sentence, Tomas slapped her. Pain sparked through her cheek, shock keeping her in place. 

And that was when Cassian striked.

Tomas was pinned against the brick wall in seconds, both their faces red with rage. He clawed at Cassian's hand around his throat, but Cassian was far stronger than him. The Commander was snarling at his face as he gritted out, " _ Apologize. _ "

Nesta sighed. "He can't apologize if you're blocking out his airway." 

Cassian realized the science behind that and loosened his grip ever so slightly. Tomas turned his head towards Nesta, still trying to claw his way out, and spat at her feet. 

No apology then, not when there’s no remorse. She had suspected as much and had kept a back up plan.  Time to do this her way. With threats. Just like what she did to the King of Hybern. 

She walked to Cassian's side and pulled out an Illyrian dagger from its sheath on his thigh, angling it right between Tomas' legs. He began to struggle against Cassian's hold to no avail. 

"If I hear you attempt to rape some other poor girl, I'll cut your piss poor favourite part and feed it to the crows. If I hear you  _ raped _ someone, I'll skin you alive with this very blade, and feed you to the many, horrifying creatures we have in Prythian. Understood?" Tomas only stared at her, so she pressed the blade harder against him. " _ Understood?"  _

Tomas nodded, keeping his body rigid underneath the sharp dagger. She released the hold she had on him, prompting Cassian to do the same. 

Tomas held his throat, red from Cassian's iron grip. He quickly opened the door and ran in, but not without whispering, " _ Cunt,"  _ at Nesta. The door was shut quickly and she was sure Cassian would burn down the house with the entire Mandray family in it, seeing that he was about to grip the handle. She reached out and grabbed his arm. 

"Cassian. It's fine. It's settled." As good as it can get. Some people will never change, she's learnt, but she truly hoped her threats had scared Tomas enough so no one else would fall victim to his flirtatious smiles. Nest a walked down the patio, Cassian falling in step. She fingered the blade before declaring, "I'm keeping this." 

He stopped and watched her strap it to her thigh, just like he had done before. "Are you sure?" 

"Yes. Why wouldn't I be?" Cassian nodded and walked towards Lucien's house, Nesta following closely. 

*

They had dinner at Lucien's, Jurian nowhere to be seen. 

_ He's at the continent, checking up on Vassa's curse _ , Lucien had claimed. 

After a good laugh about Nesta's threats, and many promises between Lucien and Feyre about visiting each other, Feyre winnowed the both of them and herself back to Velaris. Cassian had only bade them goodbye and flew off to the House of Wind, mumbling something about seeing Azriel regarding his reports. 

Nesta stood in the sitting room, dumb founded at Cassian's abrupt leaving. 

"What's that all about?" Feyre asked Nesta, and she shrugged. Nesta felt like the trip to Tomas had been eventful, and she felt more at peace than she ever did. She had enjoyed Cassian's overprotectiveness, but never had the chance to thank him. Not when dinner had circulated around Feyre and Lucien’s antics.

She smelled the faint scent of rain and citrusy salt before she saw Rhysand come through the doorway. 

"How was the trip, ladies?" Rhysand said, walking over to kiss Feyre on the top of her head. He surveyed her from the top to bottom, and then moved on to do the same to Nesta. 

His eyes stopped at the Illyrian dagger strapped to her thigh. 

"Did he give you that." 

Feyre turned to look at the blade, then back to her mate. "Why? What's wrong?" Rhysand stayed quiet, until Nesta quietly said, "I took it from him." 

"He let you do that?" She nodded and his breath hitched. 

Feyre's face whitened as Nesta knew Rhysand was explaining everything to her through the bond. "Well, spit it out," Nesta said, patience running thin. 

They glanced at each other before Rhysand said, "In Illyrian traditions. . mating bonds are accepted when the female takes an Illyrian weapon from a male." Nesta understood before he finished. "And he let you take his." 

Fuck. 

She had accepted the bond without knowing. 

“Didn’t Azriel lend his blade to Elain last year?” 

Rhysand knew what she meant. “There’s no bond between them and she gave it back.”

Nesta unsheathed the dagger and looked at it. The rare steel, the craftsmanship and design, and most importantly, the intricate words of a forgotten language written into it. She wondered what it said. 

"And what is supposed to come next?" she dared ask. 

It was Feyre, this time, who answered. 

"The  _ actual _ mating." 

Trailing her fingers along the sharp end, Nesta knew. She knew from the bottom of her heart, she wanted Cassian. The confrontation with Tomas only gave her more reason to want Cassian by her side. To face their fears together.

The faces of the High Lord and High Lady lit up when Nesta said, “Take me to the House of Wind. I want to see my mate.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had writer’s block for like 4 days of the week and I was on the verge of crying but neh I made it!!   
> I hope you guys like this one.There’s probably one or two chapters left in this, and I’m thinking of starting another ACoTaR or a ToG fic.
> 
> Warning: Kinda NSFW

Rhysand flew Nesta to the House of Wind, Feyre by his side. Her younger sister had improved tremendously, although she still had some trouble when it came to riding the air currents and breezes properly. Rhysand never gave her hell for it, though. He only chuckled at her attempts, encouraging her once in a while.

_ You need to feel the wind course through you,  _ he told her when they were about to catch an updraft to the House of Wind.

Feyre listened to his advice and tried, showing a significant difference in her control. Nesta was proud, but she didn't show it. She'll compliment her another time.

After she tied her loose ends with Cassian.

Nesta watched Feyre and Rhysand banter among each other mid-air longingly. She had never experienced true love. And if Cassian had grown up with Rhysand, it would only mean he had as much love to give to her as Rhysand does with Feyre.

She smiled at that thought, only to have Rhysand look at her weird. She shot him a look, Feyre laughing into the winds, before he got ready to land in the House of Wind.

They landed smoothly and Nesta straightened her hair. Azriel was waiting in the sitting room, Cassian nowhere to be found. Behind her, Rhysand asked the Shadowsinger before she did. “Where is he?”

Azriel sighed and pointed to the direction of the kitchen, and said, “In the kitchen rummaging through whatever alcohol could get him drunk the fastest. Elain’s trying to stop him.” Nesta stared at him blankly. Why the hell would Cassian want to get drunk? Shouldn't he be happy she accepted the bond, even if she wasn’t aware that she did? There were sounds of cupboard doors banging shut, and a small whine coming out from what sounded like Elain.

“Cassiaaaaaaaan!” 

Feyre walked over to Nesta and held her hand. “Do you want us to get him in order, or do you want to do it yourself?” Nesta blinked at her sister and frowned..

“What difference would it make?”

Feyre glanced at Rhysand before saying, “If we do it, it’ll be. . more official, I would say?” Rhysand nodded, and she continued. “Cassian would prefer if it was you. His pride wouldn’t be as hurt then. He’s most likely drinking because of the whole mating bond thing,” Feyre finished, wincing.

Nesta debated quietly for a while. “And if I got his shit together?”

Azriel, surprisingly, answered. “It means you accept the bond wholeheartedly, because you’re willing to be there for him when he needs it. To be his backbone and support.”

She looked at the three of them slowly, composing and bracing herself for the whirlwind of a mate in the kitchen. Nesta could still hear Elain trying to stop Cassian. It was time to take responsibility. 

Nesta Archeron breathed in and walked to the kitchen.

She passed the doorway, and what she saw was immediately embedded into her memory. Cassian was looking through a cupboard above the sink, one hand pushing past glasses as if he could find strong liquor in there, the other holding Elain back, who was slapping his arm. Not like it would be any use. 

"Rhysand hid all the liquor!" She was insisting to Nesta's stubborn mate. Both Faes were too busy focusing on their current goals that they had not realised Nesta was watching the whole ordeal. She stifled a laugh when Elain continued to hit Cassian and he remained unfazed. 

Putting her face to neutrality, she said, "Cassian." At that, he whipped towards her. 

"You're in trouble now," Elain just cooed to him, taking his hand off herself and walking past Nesta, out of the kitchen.

Cassian was still looking at Nesta up and down. He gulped when he noticed his dagger still strapped to her thigh. 

"What are you doing?" Nesta asked, setting a serious tone to throw him off guard. It would be fun to play games with him now. 

Cassian just threw her his million dollar smile and said, "I'm about to daylight drink, sweetheart." 

"Why would you want to do that?"

He walked over to her and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Her nose flared at that to play the part. 

"Why wouldn't I? I love to drink, you should know that from the year you spent with me." 

A statement to get her off her feet. As if she never wanted to take note of his routine when they were together. 

What he didn't know was she knew every single thing he did. The whiskey he took when days were good. The vodka shots he'd take when it was pure shit, mostly when that asshole Lord Devlon decided to humiliate Cassian. 

And most importantly, she knew he drank often at the camp because she was there with him. 

"Come with me," she simply said, disregarding Cassian's statement from earlier. Nesta turned on her heels, heading towards the library a floor below. The House of Wind was already empty save for the two of them, and she knew it was at Feyre's request. She silently thanked the Cauldron for Feyre’s quick work as Cassian followed her without a word. 

Nesta pushed open the door and pointed to a chair. "Sit."

Her mate listened and watched as she pulled a bottle of whiskey from the drawer by the chair, eyes wide. Nesta poured two glasses and passed one to Cassian. 

"Feyre lets me keep a bottle here," she explained. 

Cassian nodded and took a sip. "So, what are we doing here?" 

Nesta walked to the office table by the window, unsheathing his dagger and placed it down slowly. Cassian's hand brushed the twin dagger on his other thigh. “Give me yours,” she said, and he wordlessly unstrapped his and handed it to her. She set it by the dagger she took from him. The steel looked as if it swallowed the sunlight that shone on it. 

A harsh beauty, just like she was. 

Leaning on the table, Nesta swirled the glass and said, "Remember when I just turned into a Fae, I'd only come here?" 

"What's your point, sweetheart?" 

Ever the impatient Illyrian. Nesta sighed. 

"What I'm trying to say is, my time spent in this very library, among all these books, made me think. Made me  _ understand _ that I am what I wasn't. And it took me a damn long time, because we all knew I hated the Fae more than anyone," she said, glancing at him. Cassian was looking into his wine glass, unable to think of anything to say. "And now, I find out I have a mate. The Cauldron must despise me so much, because they keep handing me things I don't want. Especially when I found out I  _ indirectly  _ accepted the bond by taking your weapon." 

His eyes shot to the two Illyrian daggers on the table, and he gulped. The Cassian she saw now wasn't the one with the fiery spirit she was used to seeing. This was the raw Cassian that she's seen so rarely, only when he was so worn down and had no solutions to his problems. 

Nesta sipped from the glass and placed it by the dagger, walking to him. She lifted up his chin and looked into those hazel eyes. 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the dagger. I should've, but I didn't know how to," he said, full of sorrow. His apology caught her by surprise, but if she was to be honest to him in the library, then he might as well be too. 

Nesta took his glass and placed it on the table by his chair. She got on her knees and leaned in, brushing a hand on his cheek. 

"The Cauldron may have handed me immortality and a soul bonded mate, but what I would do with that will always be my choice." She cupped his face in her hands to pull him to look at her. "What we both faced this morning only made me realize. . that I want it. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

He stared into her eyes. "Why?" he whispered. 

"You were there for me, Cassian. When they took everything from me. You pulled me out of my suffering and grief, and trudged through Hell itself to make sure I was alright again." The year at the Illyrian Camp had made her realize that. And the morning she found out about the bond. . she didn’t mind it, to be with him for the rest of her life. There were tears streaming down his cheeks now, and she could feel them on hers too. Nesta wiped it away with her thumbs before saying, "I want to have this. To be your mate, for the rest of my godforsaken immortal life." He smiled at that and leaned closer, his lips brushing hers. 

"Can I?" She only nodded, unable to form the words. 

Cassian pressed his lips softly against hers. Her hand quickly moved to his hair, fingers tangling itself within it, but their kiss remained slow and passionate. Not like the kind she had gotten from Tomas or her other Fae flings—all of those had been filled with hunger. 

And Cassian, despite his rough hewn features and hulking size, kissed her with such love. He pulled her up, into his lap, trailing his kisses down her neck and over her collarbone. Nesta was getting into it when she coughed out, “Cassian, do you want to do it here?”

The warmth from his lips left her neck at breakneck speed and he looked right at her, weighing her request. He started grinning when he realized that yes, Nesta was implying what he thought it was.

He angled her on his lap and stood, her legs wrapping around his waist. Cassian planted his arms under her ass to support her. He gave it a squeeze while nuzzling her neck, walking towards the shelves. “I have been  _ dying _ to hold this for a long, long time,” he said, voice filled with desire. Nesta just pulled his head closer, enjoying the feel of his lips against her throat.

Nesta felt one of the shelves pushing against her back, her already core heating up from feeling Cassian’s hardening length. He was still working on her neck, as if he  _ knew _ that it was her soft spot. His kisses on her neck had gone more insistent, and she could feel there were bruises blooming around it. 

Cassian really was marking his territory on her. Not that she didn’t like it.

Nesta began to unlace her leathers and threw it down, suddenly feeling hot in the library. She untied the bindings around her breasts, feeling them come free and the weight of it setting in. Cassian just watched, drinking in the sight before him. She was in the midst of unbuttoning his leathers while avoiding his wings when his lips circled around her nipple.

She had a stifle a moan when his tongue started swirling around the peaking bud, his teeth grazing the sensitive area. His right hand had moved from her ass to her right breast, squeezing and tugging, not entirely fitting into his large hand. Nesta concentrated on his buttons while he teased her, until she remembered the sensitivity of an Illyrian’s wings. She knew that they were untouchable, but. . .

Cassian groaned against her when she dragged a finger at the membrane beneath one of the talons, his wings flaring slightly. She could feel him getting harder and knew it wouldn’t be any more longer for him to claim her. He loosed out a breath and said, “That’s how you wanna play?”

If what he was doing to her hadn’t turned her on, the gruffness in his voice certainly did. 

Nesta was about to give a smart comeback when he pressed into her, pushing her into the shelves harder. She could feel the corners of some books digging into her back, but she couldn’t concentrate on the pain as she watched him untie her pants, balancing her enough to get it past her ass and to her mid thighs. He stepped back, placing a small distance between them, her warm core suddenly greeted by the cold air. Nesta could not process anything, not as Cassian propped one leg on the shelf, Nesta balancing on his knee, placed two of his fingers in his mouth, took them out and positioned it at her core. He teased and pulled at her folds, his eyes monitoring where his fingers were running on.

Nesta turned her eyes towards his face, and he slowly dragged his gaze up to her. He looked at her, and whispered, “ _ I love you, _ ” before he plunged his fingers into her.

Nesta gasped and her hands reached to the bookshelf behind her, gripping it with such intensity that she knew her knuckles were white. But she couldn’t let go, not when Cassian was pumping his fingers into her, his mouth lazily planting kisses on her neck. Her eyes fluttered shut and she tried, she really did, to focus on the three words he had uttered, but  _ Cauldron _ , if he could already make her act this way with only his fingers, what would his tongue and cock do?

Her legs began to shake around his waist, her body begging for release. She was about to ride it out, not caring that his fingers were still in her, when he pulled it out. Nesta’s eyes snapped open, her mouth prepared to snarl at Cassian for taking away those godly fingers, when she felt his tip at her entrance. In her pleasured state, she had not realized that his other hand had untied his own pants.

And there he was, stroking his own, glorious length, his fingers glistening with her essence.

He had pushed her up a little higher unknowingly to her, both feet planted at the ground again, and had already found a direct way for him to get inside of her, past her pants still at her mid thigh. Nesta cupped Cassian’s face in her hands, pulling him closer, his tip brushing her opening, hands going to her ass again. He looked at her quizzically, as if waiting for her to say something.

Nesta only looked into those expressive, chocolate eyes, and said, “I love you.”

As if Cassian had waited for those words, he pressed his lips to her and drove his cock in, hitting home. She moaned against his mouth, her hands moving to his hair while adjusting to his length and size.

This was nothing like those lesser Faeries and Fae had.

Cassian pulled out and started thrusting, slowly but deeply, eliciting moans from her. He didn’t even look bothered that her pants were in the way, only watching as he entered her, again and again, each time coming out wetter than before, thanks to her. 

Nesta could see it in her mind now—the bond was shining clearly, the doorway to him wide open. She could feel his emotions and the rawness in it, the love and passion pouring from him.

She drank in those emotions as he thrusted into her and out, sweat dripping down to his brow. Cassian picked up the pace, as if he couldn’t get enough of her, one hand moving to hold the shelf behind her. Nesta knew she was closer than he was, given that he had a head start with those fingers, but she didn’t want to go without him.

With this bond, she didn’t want to go  _ anywhere _ without him. So she decided to even the playing field. 

“Cass,” she breathed out, “I’m close, I’m close.”

He was grunting now, fucking her as hard as he can, but gentle enough so she won’t feel the pain of the shelves in her back. He only nodded, a few drops of his sweat dripping onto her bare breasts. 

Nesta could feel her climax rolling out, and traced a finger onto the wings of an unsuspecting Cassian. His eyes widened and he groaned, slamming into the hilt and Nesta moaned, unable to hold it in as she orgasmed. A few books from the shelf behind her fell as his hand pushed into the bookshelf, steadying himself as he came in her.

They stayed in that position for a while, until Cassian said, “You cheated.” 

Nesta laughed, and reached towards his wings again, but his hand moved fast enough to grip her wrist. He pulled it towards him and kissed the inside of it softly, before setting it down. He hoisted her up to pull himself out of her, her juice leaking down the floor, undoubtedly mixed with his.

“Look, you made a mess,” Nesta observed.

He gave her an incredulous look and said, “Hey, don’t blame  _ me _ . It’s on the both of us.” She just hummed, turning away while pulling her pants up when he slapped her ass. Nesta turned her head sharply towards a grinning Cassian and noticed that he was stroking his cock. Again.

“No. No no no, I want to be able to walk out of here,” Nesta said, while walking backwards and trying to pull her pants up. Why the fuck must the leathers be so tight?

Cassian only walked towards her and it was then she realized he was intentionally directing her to the table. “Not a chance, sweetheart.”

The back of her legs hit the table and she could do nothing as she watched him approach her, taking his shirt off. His tattoos were stark against his tan skin, and she couldn’t help but admire them, like she always did at her time in the camps. He leaned down to kiss her nose and said, “Say it again,” as he gripped her waist and turned her around, slowly. She knew what he wanted to hear.

“I love you,” she whimpered, her palms going onto the table. 

He pulled her pants down slowly and she wiggled out of it. “Again,” he repeated, angling his cock at her entrance. Cauldron, she  _ wanted _ to be fucked by him again.

“I love you.”

He pressed kisses down her neck, onto the lovebites he had given earlier, his hands stroking her back. “And I am in love with you. Until the end of this life,” he was saying against her back, planting kisses between each word.

_ And into the next, _ she heard his voice, clear as daylight, in her head and through the bond, before he fucked her from behind.

She hoped her youngest sister and her mate wouldn’t mind the scratches she left on their library table from their love-making.


End file.
